emotions..

funky kinda day.. makes me wish i had an *off* button..
i'm sure i'm not the only one who goes thru stuff like this, but when i'm goin' thru it seems sOoo real.. & sOoo bleh.

ewww.

sO.. i decided to put down a haiku for you.. maybe you can relate to my yuck.

a haiku.

i need control NOW.
but i'm a girl.. and moody. o_O
what's up with this yuck??

a lil' doodle.. she's a bit moody, eh? :)

okay.. so i'm no poet.. i'm aware of that. but aren't haikus 'spoze to make a girl feel cool?  lol..

i've been trying to learn guitar forever, too.. but i'm no guitarist either. sOo.. i'll just doodle guitar-playin' babes in the meantime..  *sigh*

feelin' better, by the way.. 

don't ever end the way you began - if it's sucky. ;) 

thankful thursday!!! with update*

i'm officially a goober.

i knew this already. but now i REALLY know it.

lemme ask YOU a question..

have you EVER mistaken somebody for dead??

O___o

wait.. lemme ask you again.. cuz you probably think i'm playin'... 

have you EVER mistaken somebody for dead??

o___O

well, i did..
yesterday, actually. lol

*no joke*

mind you, this is NOT sumthin i'm proud of. it just kinda happened..  & i felt like such an idiot for it.. that's probably what i am.

not a goober. an idiot. yea, that's it. o_O

my friend has been sick for a very LOOOONGG time. & the other day she posted a fb note via someone else. apparently cuz she's gotten just that sick. at the end of the note, her signature was "i'll see you on the other side.."

well.. the note IS circulating as if it's an obituary..

whatever. i'm not gonna keep goin' on this one.

i think this blog is my *venting* post right now..

shame on me.

she ain't dead. (at least i don't think she is..)

anyway, this WHOLE fiasco of an ordeal got me thinkin'..

WOW.. life is SHORT. first Steve Jobs & now an old friend from grade school (who's not dead, but sick)

people need to act like they KNOW.

am i doin' what i'm supposed to be doin'? am i being SALT & LIGHT (Matthew 5:13, 14)
am i living the way i should?
...

i'm a work in progress if i've ever seen one. i screw up EVERYday. but my life belong's to Jesus Christ.

i don't EVER wanna belittle my allegiance to the ONE who died for me.

better yet, HIS allegiance to me.

& yet, i see in myself, just as Peter & EVERY other believer does, this battle with my ugly self.

to try to get my way..

but then i remember that this life is not MINE. & i give it back to Him. cuz really,

nothin' else matters.

i'd be a fool to return to the vomit of an existence i used to know.. i've put myself in some predicaments that i shouldn't have only to get what *i* wanted.

pretty much sucks.

i was reading in Genesis tonight about when Cain was given the boot (you know... out  of his home). never to return to the sweet family life he once knew.. (the garden was already jacked up, but at least he had two parents that loved him, right?)

anyway.

he moved to NOD. that word means vagrancy. & vagrancy basically means "wanderin' without purpose"

i'm sorry, but i've been to NOD. 

BORING.

makes ya nod. lol..

& i'm done. i got better things to do. like LIVE.

kinda like my friend from grade school.. the girl ain't dead yet.. & neither am i. she attempted to share a lil' encouragement about her suffering & the Lord.

i *think* this is what this is 'spoze to be. (an encouragement) heh heh..

like Dory said in Finding Nemo.. *just keep swimming, just keep swimming..*

great advice from a lil' blue fishie. (i'm takin' it..)

& i'm *thankful*

UPDATE** my friend died three days after my big oops..

life is short. Jesus Christ is STILL the ONLY answer. 

doodlin' that's about it..

it's been a while, once more.. and honestly, i don't have much to type for my absence. i've been in very much a rut.. 

it goes something like this: 

no creative inspiration.. no drive.. no initiative.. no this.. no that..

.. even feeling like i'm the ONLY one in my predicament.. THEN i spoke to a friend the other day who shed some *light* on my situation..

i'm NOT the ONLY one.. 

i drew this lil' doodle to sum things up.. i FEEL like the lil' guy on the right LOOKS.. lol...

it just feels that way. & that's the way the enemy of my soul would like for me to feel.. like i'm the only one who goes thru stuff.

meh.

i heard a preacher say once, "being a Christian is NOT hard, it's IMPOSSIBLE!"

& he was absolutely right. being a REAL Christian requires Christ's intervention continually.. & as we all who are His know.. that takes LOTS of denying of my own selfish tendencies to embrace the will & purposes of my Lord. & in the process.. i throw lots of tantrums.

*embarrassing..* 

but, hey.. i'm bein' honest. 'cuz He knows that i wanna be more like Him. by HIS grace.

& that's possible. ;)

And Jesus said to him, "'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."

Mark 9:23